Thursday, June 20, 2013

Fibromyalgia Sucks

Seriously, everytime I feel like I am normal again I have a bad few days, sometimes more than a few days.  I don't know what I am doing wrong to make my body feel this way, but this is my rant for the day. 

When I feel good I can exercise and move with the kids.  I can get up and be a productive human being.  When I don't feel good I want to crawl in a hole and hide.  I don't know really what to do anymore.  I know that at some point I will need to work again.  However, I don't know how to work and take time off for me.  I don't know of a job that is sooooo flexible that if I have a bad morning I get to stay in bed.  I don't know of a job that I am trained for that doesn't drain me after a year or two to the point where it takes me 6 months or more to become functional on all levels again.  Why am I  like this? 

Do I stop placing such a high value on productivity so that I don't feel bad all the time?  Should I relax my already relaxed standards regarding the cleanliness of my house?  I wouldn't know how to stop being a mom the way I am so that currently pushes me to the limit sometimes.  Some days being a mom is all I am capable of.  What does that leave for the husband? 

I know women who are worse off than I am, and I know some who suffer more.  However, when I feel like this it is all consuming, and thinking of them only makes me feel more guilty for feeling bad for me.  This is some weird thing I have because I am a woman in our society, or I have old religion guilt still or something, I don't know.  I am in too much pain to be philosophical about it.  I guess my saying should be maybe tomorrow, instead of it is what it is. 

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