Saturday, September 17, 2011


Anyone who knows me really well, knows that I have suffered from depression for most of my life.  Has my life been horrible?  No.  That is not what depression is about.  I vacillate between wanting to talk about it, and not.  I don't think I should be ashamed of depression.  It is not something to be ashamed of, but I also don't want to be perceived as a whiny victim.  The reality is, that it is a part of me, and if you don't know about my issues you may find me rude at times, which is not my intention.

After big L was born I had post-partum depression really bad.  I mean if I got dressed it was a good day.  My child was well cared for, but I was absolutely not cared for.  This go around I have been trying not to let it get bad, and help myself before it reaches the bottom.  According to my doctor my efforts may be in vain.

This is not to say that she can't help, she can, but the drug I likely need is not as safe for the baby as the one I am on.  She states that most post-partum depression is a serotonin issue.  Well.....

Since my depression could be the double whammy of genetics and post-partum, we are treating one issue and not the other.  I am going to try to make it until the end of my breast feeding before getting help with the serotonin issue, but if it doesn't work, we will be back to taking a medication the effects of which are unknown on little L.  That fact alone is enough to depress me and make me feel inadequate.

I am very stubborn, so I think I can take another six months or more.  We will see.  In the meantime, if you know someone who recently had a baby, call her up and make sure she is okay.  Sometimes, feeling loved by family and friends can make a little difference, and that is all you can ask for.

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