Saturday, April 12, 2014

Things I think about when having to drive for an hour and a half on Saturday

Today was the day I take my oldest L to her grandmother's house so she can visit her father.  Not my favorite thing to do.  Even though she is sometimes difficult I would rather have her home screaming at me than somewhere else, but I digress.  Today I was thinking about where I am at in life and why I am where I am. 

Woah.  Deep thought considering I have had way too little sleep, and would be quite content going back to bed right now.  I am not the best at expressing my emotions, especially to my husband.  I have reasons, most of which stem from my poor decisions regarding who I shared my heart with earlier in my life and nothing to do with him. 

I have been thinking a lot about fitness and how I sabotage myself a lot and don't do what I know I should do.  See, I have gained twenty pounds since my lowest weigh-in, and I am not really happy about this.  This past couple of weeks I have been pushing myself to get back into a groove that will help me get out of this funk.  Little l is finally old enough that she will let me exercise and I won't have to run all over making sure she is okay, so I have been able to exercise during the day when I normally wouldn't have been able to.  She is not napping, so nap time is a thing of the past in our home. 

Overall though, even with the gain, I am still healthier than I have been in a long time, maybe even ever.  I truly don't feel I would be where I am without my husband.  Not because he makes me exercise or was disappointed in me when I was not fit, neither of which are true; but, because my husband makes me aspire to be a better and more fit person.  He represents for me, things I want to be and things I know I can be. I never had the motivation to be these things before. I can only hope that I somehow inspire him to be a better person in some way as well.

This is what I was thinking about this morning, because I was thinking and hoping that when my children start looking for a mate to share their life with, that they too will be smart about who they choose and will pick someone who not only causes them to be a better person, but who is a better person for being with my daughter.  It only took me until my thirties to realize that this is how you should truly choose a life mate, but I did, and I am grateful today for my husband, who I love more than I am able to express most days. In the meantime, I will work on expressing my feelings a little more, but maybe not today......

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