Most people stress eat. I try not to, but the past couple weeks I have been living in the world of DENIAL! That's right denial. Today I am having surgery, my breast reduction. Which I really want to have done, and I am really looking forward to the lack of weight on my chest. Truly, this is a good thing and that is what I keep telling myself. The truth is I am nervous. I am VERY anxious. It is surgery and it is pretty major. There will be scars. I am not really anxious about that though.
What is stressing me out and causing this weight gain and pity party is my fear of how long it will take to recover. I have been through two c-sections, so I know there will be pain and no lifting. What I haven't figured out is HOW I am supposed to take care of a two year old with no lifting. My husband doesn't seem worried, he is going to stay home the day after surgery then plans on going back. This is freaking me out a bit though. I will be home with the kids. I will have to pick up little one and put her in and out of the car. I will have to drive. I don't want to do this. I am afraid I won't be able to do this.
So I eat.
To top it all off the last week or two have been horrible Fibromyalgia weeks. The fatigue has been immense. The pain has been a bit unbearable. To put it in perspective, I took a six hour nap on Saturday. The weekend before I slept for 11 hours. Needless to say all this sleep cuts in to exercise time. During the week I usually only have time for an hour or two nap. All and all I have been a bit ANGRY at my body. What the heck? I have been taking care of it. Why is it letting me down like this?
I know I need to change how I view this. I need it to just be that I need more rest, not that my body is letting me down, but it is hard to feel that way when you have been training and eating right and then BOOM you are down.
I will work on my attitude, loose this ten pounds and make it through recovery. It will be fine in the end, but right now I am anxious. While ten pounds may not seem like a lot, when you have been through what I have to lose weight it is the slippery slope back to fat. I am going to jump off this slope and have a better and more forgiving attitude so that I don't eat to deal with my negative feelings.