Parking Lot Blow Ups

Yesterday was grocery day for us.  Little l and I dropped off big L at dance and ran to the store, almost literally, we have one hour to shop, get the groceries home in the fridge and get back to take big L from dance to TKD.  CRAZY!!!!!

It works though and we did it.

When we were in the parking lot loading up the car we were witness to a complete melt down/blow up by a woman.  She had been sitting in her car and someone pulled up next to her.  While getting out this man bumped her car with his car door.  It happens right?  More than we like to admit, it happens.  The man did not intend to hit her car from what I could see, nor was it a hard enough hit for me to hear it from the next lane over, but this woman LOST it.

The couple she started screaming at was older, not old, but around my parents age.  Old enough that in my mind respect should be given until it isn't deserved (though I guess that applies in my mind despite the age).  She wouldn't stop though, and the man even tried showing that the damage she was pointing to couldn't have been caused by his door.  To no avail, she paced and yelled and tried to pull other people in to the situation.  Some people went up to look at what she was yelling about and most walked away unimpressed by the "damage".

At first, I wanted to go tell her to calm down it was just a car, but I paused.  I began to think of scenarios where this "DIVA" (her term not mine, this was on her license plate) may have just cause to behave in this manner.  Perhaps she had saved for years and finally been able to buy this car after years of driving a beater and wham this guy hits her in the parking lot and her perfect car was blemished.

Maybe this wasn't about the car, maybe she just found out her parent is dying, or lost her job at work. I don't know.  It could all be crap, and she could just be mean.

What I did take away from this, is that we should all be aware of how our behavior appears to others. I was not sympathetic to her, and I didn't see much sympathy from anyone else either.  She appeared petty and cruel.  She may have had her reasons and not been in full control of her reactions, but she was not presenting her argument properly.

I had a moment a few weeks ago when the same thing happened.  I was more like the screaming lady than I care to admit.  Only difference being mine wasn't in public.  Sometimes changing how you react to a situation is the best way to effectively deal with it.  While I still bristle over the situation I am dealing with and I am frustrated to no end, I am changing the way I approach it.  If after this change I still can't get it to work it will be time for some outside mediation.

We will see.....Just my thoughts though, during this supposedly thankful season perhaps we should go out of our way to be kinder to one another and instead of blowing up over accidents be more accepting of apologies when no malice was present.  An accident is just that, an accident.

The ocean: AKA Life

Do you remember the first time you ever saw the ocean and realized how vast it is?  I don't.  Perhaps though Big L will.  She has been asking for a little over a year now to go to the ocean.  Her bio dad took his girlfriend, but not her, so I told her we would do our best to make it happen. 

It was different this time for me.  I remember when I was younger that I had no confidence in my appearance and I was always worried what people would think if I did...well, if I did ANYTHING.  So I just tried to sit around looking pretty and unimpressed, looking at everyone else, just SURE they were thinking about how ridiculous or unimpressive I was.  It only took 38 years for me to become happy with my body/appearance.  38 years of being self-conscious or disgusted, and ALWAYS critical.  Now I know that nobody cares what I do!

I acknowledge that my body is not perfect, but to be honest, I have never met anyone who has a "perfect" body.  I have however, met a lot of beautiful people.  Not beautiful in the way that the media would like us to view beauty.  Just beauty, to me all of my friends are beautiful, but most of us would not be models in magazines. 

I felt free, I had fun, built a sandcastle with the kids, got sand in all the wrong places, was peed on by little l.  It was a blast, and it was beautiful.  The ocean was amazing. 

I can only hope that my daughters will not have my hang ups as they age.  I am grateful that they are still young enough to not be too worried about how they look and what others think, but big L tends to be like me and it was fun to see her let go and have fun this vacation. 

After the beach we slowly made our way home, visiting family as we went. 

It was a great vacation, followed by last week, when I just wanted to sleep and rest! 

Time off from technology....kind of.

Okay, I was going to join Crunchy Betty in her three days of no technology, only I was going to make it a week.  Then she posted this.  Then I started thinking about how many ways I use technology in my life right now.  I don't mean television.  My only access to TV is Netflix.  I watch in the evening after the kids go to bed, or while sewing.  I watch movies with the kids during the day.  I use DVD's to exercise, those I don't want to give up, I am on a roll!  There is also that app on my phone with which I monitor my caloric intake and my output.  There is also this yoga app I use.  Plus, I don't listen to music without an iPod anymore, and a week without music is just unthinkable. 

Are you getting the picture?  When it came down to it though the one thing I don't see myself giving up for a week....MY HEART RATE MONITOR!  I was horrified by the thought.  Panic began to ensue as I tried to figure out how to determine whether or not I was in zone 2 for a minimum of 30 minutes.  What would I do!?

After I could breathe again, I decided to compromise.  I will use my healthy apps, they are HELPFUL!  I will use my heart rate monitor, it is my motivator.  It gives me goals that I feel compelled to reach.  I will still watch a movie with the girls, but I don't have to watch my shows, and we can limit it to one a day.  We will read books.  If I have my way we will read LOTS of books, or at least I will.  Which reminds me of that one piece of technology required to do some of this, my KINDLE!

It is finally occurring to me that I am getting older and I am really not all up on everything.  You know the music scene, the latest tech.  This isn't just because I am older it is because of how we have decided to live.  We don't listen to the radio (I do podcasts), we don't watch television unless it is on Netflix and commercial free.  I live in a child safe world.  A world where my child is not ignorant of advertising, but is not bombarded by it, and hopefully does not feel she has to live up to some strange beauty ideal.

So this next week, I won't be on the computer.  I won't play games on my phone, and I will be thoughtful before using technology that tunes me out from the world.  I will be conscious of my family, myself, and my world.  I will be in the moment and try to live and fully feel each moment coming back to this world refreshed and likely appreciative of its convenience in ways I am currently not. 

Busy/yet rough week

I have accomplished a lot this week.  I will have lots to blog about next week, but I have not had the time or ability to focus at all this week. 

Sometimes you have weeks like this.  There was a time when I would have beat myself up and berated myself in my mind for not doing enough, not being a perfect mother. 

The truth though is that I am a good mother, I do A LOT for my kids, as mothers should.  Last weekend was big L's dance recital.  She was wonderful and beautiful and has improved from last year.  Unfortunately, the Friday before she had to stay home sick from school.  She still has a lingering cough, but she was up on that stage enjoying herself on Sunday.  Then Tuesday afternoon little l got sick.  So hard for the itty bitty ones to be sick.  She cries out in her sleep at night when she coughs.  Of course, I followed suit and am sick, because I can't help but snuggle with my children.  The hubby came down with it yesterday afternoon.  It has been a rough week health wise. 

The fact is, I still managed to do a lot to nourish my mind (figuratively speaking of that part of you that exists in your mind, the thoughts that need to be fed but aren't really describable).  I made allergy friendly chocolate chip cookies for the end of year party at big L's school, that according to one child are the best cookies ever!  (patting myself on the back now)  As I said, I have a lot to post about, but merging pictures and words is a bit much for me right now. 

Instead I have been cleaning out the email box.  Taking surveys on next years Girl Scout cookie program; hard to believe my training will start in October.  Watching those things that you put aside to watch when you have time, but don't seem to find time for. 

This link will take you to a wonderful life story about a kid who was diagnosed with cancer at 14, died a few days ago at 18, and what he did with his life.  I think this weekend we will focus on taking care of ourselves and just spending time together being happy.  Because, really, that is how I know I am a good mom.  My kids like to do stuff with me, but they also like to just take time and snuggle up, maybe talk about something important to them, maybe just be near each other.  Watching what this kid did with his life makes me feel like the last half of this school year has left us sick and blah for a reason.  It is as if we were so busy going from one thing/place to another that we forgot to sit back, relax and enjoy what we were doing.  To enjoy each other when we could.  That ability was the point of me not working, and yet it seems to have fallen to the back burner these last few months, and honestly to have just been burnt beyond recognition. 

A break from school and activities is what we have for the summer, with the exception of little l's swim lesson, and big L's ceramics class which starts in June.  However, those are simple things that we can take the time to enjoy.  We don't have to feel rushed as summer is here, and it is too darn hot to move quickly anyway. 

I think that this weekend we will just spend time together, relax, and maybe listen to the album written by the kid who passed away.  Thankfully, my family is like me and we all need these down times to recharge and remember that what is important is the four of us. 

Synchronicity

Have you ever started reading someone else's blog and thought, "wow, that is completely how i feel right now too."  I have been exploring past and current postings of Sofia over at Sofia's Ideas, and marveling at how much I have felt and am feeling the same way she does.  If you haven't read her blog, I highly recommend it.  She has an honest and open way of writing that makes you think, "oh, it is normal to feel that way," or "hey, that is easier than I thought, I can do that."

Her post for yesterday (April 3), was especially poignant to me.  I have been reading her magic of the mundane posts, and the submissions from others, and enjoying them.  However, she doesn't know that!  I have also contemplated figuring out how to put the "button" on my blog, and submitting something myself.  However, I have been questioning myself.  No one really reads my blog, why would they want to read what I submit to someone else?  What is the point?

Well, I guess the point is you won't know who you will reach unless you try, and there really is no harm in trying.  Even if something doesn't take off the way you want or thought it would it still reaches some people, and they are important, and you may be more important to their life than you know. 

Sometimes when you are struggling, or happy with simple things, it is good to know that you are not alone, that there are other people out there who feel the same, or experience life in the same way.  Sometimes I feel alone in my experiences, but reading what others write, helps me to realize, I am not alone, and it is okay to feel and experience life the way I do, or strive to.